All Star Houseguests

With the All Star Game happening this week--I am an avid baseball fan--it seemed a good time to report on some all star houseguests who visited us at the beach over Fourth of July weekend.

Disclosure: they were not my guests, and a full house at the beach with our extended family disinclined me toward adding more people to the mix, but after their stay, I would gladly trade these guests for some of the regulars. Here's why:

1. They brought wine. Not just a bottle or two, but a case of really good wine. So good that my husband woke me up to tell me about it. The wine and the guests arrived late Friday after I had retired for the night. I was rather irritated with this disruption to my beauty sleep, but when I rose in the morning and saw the labels, I understood his urgent desire to share the good tidings.

2. They brought food. Not just a chunk of cheese, or some Gawd-help-us jello salad, but a bountiful array of delicious vittles: enough bacon, sausage and omelets to feed 20-odd people for breakfast, sufficient sandwich fixings as lunch for the same crowd; antipasti to whet our appetites for dinner that evening, and dessert to complete the meal.

3. Their kids were really polite, quiet, and compliant with the house rules. Not like other guests' children, who treat the living room like a jungle gym despite gentle to progressively harsh reminders from "Aunt Witchie" (aka The Social Grace.)

4. In addition to all of these tangible contributions, they were really nice, fun, and genuinely pleasant to be around.

This was, of course in stark contrast to many other houseguest horrors. Witness, these, all true tales, endured by myself or reported to me by my fellow Graces:

• The guests who parked themselves on the sundeck like traveling royalty and expected three squares and an afternoon happy hour to be served daily.
• The guest who recoiled in terror when she learned that the drink she was served contained ice cubes made from tap water. Ditto the guests who don't eat A-Z and expect your kitchen to disgorge the obscure organic/vegan/everything-free tree bark and sap nuggets that they are willing to ingest.
• The guests who truly believe that the inner workings of their intestines are of pressing interest to all and sundry. Similarly, those who natter on constantly about their medical past, present and future.
• The guest who insisted on bringing her non-house-broken dog. More on my *pet* peeves in a future post.
• The guests who confuse "hosts" with "child care providers."

So, tell me, Graces, what are your Best and Worst Houseguest Experiences?