Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Why Are You Staring At My Melons?

There are many ironclad rules in The Etiquette Code. The one I wish to address today is one whose violation over the weekend caused me some embarrassment. Graces Tell--spinach in the teeth, skirt hiking up, zipper down, errant lipstick. We do what we can to prevent humiliation and discomfort in our fellow man. Here's the story:

I was at the supermarket on Sunday morning and happened upon a produce display offering a 'buy-one-get-one-free' deal on fragrant, sweet-smelling cantaloupes. Never one to resist quality fruit or good bargains, I helped myself to several, and carried on with my extensive shopping. After an hour or so in the market, I left and went to the beer distributors. Lest we forget, this was NFL's opening day, so both the market and the beer shop were teeming with game-day provisioners.

I finished my errands, and headed home. My daughter greeted me in the driveway with a horror stricken expression and pointed at my chest. There, on the downward slope of my right boob was a bright orange "buy one get one free" sticker. And of course, the placement precluded me from seeing it easily because it was on the underside, out of my direct sightline. Does this constitute a wardrobe malfunction?

Can you believe that not one person, from the cashier, the deli clerk, the dozens of fellow shoppers, or the guy who got my case of Victory Golden Monkey Tripel Ale off the shelf and into my trunk clued me in that I was walking around looking like a promotional sale on augmentation surgery?

Please tell me, Graces, that if you had been in my vicinity, you would have alerted me of this mortifying adornment!

Here is some further advice on how.......

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